Tips for finding true love: visualization

You're single and looking. Or you had a relationship, and things just didn't work out. Why can't you meet "the One?" There are any number of reasons why you might not have found true love yet, but one reason should stand out in your search: who are you looking for? Do you even know what qualities your perfect mate would have? Without visualizing what you seek in a mate, you won't recognize "the One" when he or she shows up in your life.

There are a few factors that are important for finding a true and deep, lasting love. You will need physical, emotional, mental and spiritual chemistry to keep a harmonious connection with a potential partner. But who is the ideal "soul mate" for you? It starts by looking inside yourself.

• What are your beliefs about morality, religion, politics, life in general?
• What kinds of things make you happy?
• What are your short and long term goals in life? What steps are you taking to achieve them?
• How responsible are you with finances? Making deadlines?
• Do you often blame others, or take ownership for your shortcomings?
• How important is your health? Are you an active participant in your well being?
• Are you easy going or highly organized?
• What are your favorite hobbies?
• What are your views on marriage? Divorce? Parenting? Commitment?

When you have a realistic picture of just what qualities you can offer a prospective love interest, then you will have a good idea of the kind of person who is your equal. The closer you find a person is to you on every level, the better chance of acceptance you will have for each other. For example, if you are athletic, organized and caring, but your partner is a couch potato who makes sure to watch his or her favorite TV shows, and doesn't bother to help around the house, you can see how quickly resentment would build in this situation.

Your partner should fulfill your needs in a relationship.

Part of visualizing your ideal mate is to determine what is most important to you and fulfilling your needs. Should he or she be more romantic or financially secure? Is it more important to be physically attracted to your mate than to be connected emotionally? After all, your goal is to have the highest level of happiness, and only you know what can do that best.

Next, make a checklist of your most important qualities, followed by "would be nice to have," and don't forget to add "deal-breakers." If you are looking for the "One" true love, your important qualities should be less about physical attributes and more along the lines of spiritual identity, and character.

The true meaning of "soul mate" is the person who mirrors your soul.

Remember, a realistic version of yourself is the person who will be your soul mate. Other names for this are "kindred spirit," or "soul twin." You will see yourself in the kind of person your ideal mate gives off from themselves. It's not all about liking the same sports, or eating the same foods. It will be about how much compassion you both have for similar things. How much you both care about where your life is headed and how determined you are to make yourself a better person. Essentially, you should find someone who is on par with how you see the world. Here are some qualities that you might have on your list of important qualities:

• honest
• caring
• responsible
• keeps promises
• hard working

For qualities that are important, but shouldn't be deal-breakers, there is the "would be nice" list you can make. If you meet someone who lacks one or more of these, don't give up hope that he or she isn't your intended "true love." You might meet someone with a heart of gold, but they are a bit shorter than what you expected. He or she may not be a good cook, but their other qualities make them shine regardless. Here are some things that might be on your "would be nice" list:

• good cook
• great lover
• tall
• athletic
• good with children
• good looks/nice body

Just as important in recognizing your "soul mate," is knowing what quality is your "deal-breaker." That means, if you find out something about their character that you just can't stomach, or something in their history doesn't sit well with you, know where your boundaries are, and don't end up settling for someone who is too much of a risk in breaking your heart. Here are some common deal breakers:

• criminal background
• liar
• cheater
• drug abuser
• physically or emotionally abusive or controlling

In your search for finding true love, know who you're looking for to begin with. When you are looking to buy something, like a car, you think about what make and model you like, and what features you prefer to have. When you figure it out, it makes your car buying experience much easier because you can quickly weed out other cars that don't match your fit. The same rule applies to finding a true love. Visualize it, and know what qualities he or she will have. By all means, you can quickly determine if they're not the "One" by knowing what you want.

True love is how someone makes you feel.

You may be looking for security when it comes to commitment, but in the long run, may not guarantee happiness. One potential mate may offer to take a load off your shoulders or be physically attractive or any other quality you may think is important. But what makes love the strongest is how happy you feel with someone. The saying "you complete me" is about how someone makes you feel, not that you are lacking anything. Your ideal mate will meet your emotional needs, and you will just "know" when you found them.

Writer's tip: I've experienced the kind of high in love I want for the rest of my life, and I'll share it with you. He made me feel like the most beautiful and unique woman in the world-- for my inner qualities. He inspired me to pursue all my passions, whether it's a new career, or becoming a successful writer with many exciting works under my belt. He nudged me to want to be the best person I could possibly be, as we both felt this was our purpose in life. When you recognize that you can grow and learn about things that matter in life with that one special person, and accept each other, warts and all, then you've found your soul mate. You will know because you will see him or her as your "partner," your equal, the person who "gets you." If you find someone like that, hold on, and never let "what if" be a regret to haunt you in life.

Good luck in your search. If you have any relationship questions, feel free to comment. I may not have credentials as a therapist, but my clients do, and my experience is extensive in working with professionals. I love helping others, so don't be shy.